The Mickey Dora Papers

Your last card was outstanding; it was deeply rooted in T.J. culture. You have reached the peak of your maturity. I recommend applying for the job as dialogue coach for Bo Derek. Why in God’s name don’t you tell your pals down at Surfer the truth…. You know damn well I’m in business for myself now days, a big undertaking at the Chambre de Amour toilets: an in & out drive through misanthropic enema factory for constipated fat French mademoiselles: Give me a break old man, stick up for me sometimes, that’s if you can drag yourself away from kissing ass in Tinsel Town.

I understand from reliable information that you crawled 18 miles over broken glass to just to lap the white walls of David Rensin’s Dodge Dart that carries his kook stained knickers over to the laundromat.

If your letters don’t improve in the future I promise I’m sending your old festering French girlfriend gagged and tied C.O.D. If you were smart you would clamp a coin-operated chastity belt on the bitch and get her down to nigger town and make a bloody fortune. More likely you’ll start a new strain of terminal herpes viruses, the exterminating the entire Black race, causing Alexander Haig to ejaculate all over the map of the world.

Meanwhile, in the Fable, the Life and Confessions of Nick Dorado – I see you playing the part of Da Chopper, a glue sniffing psychopathic homicidal lunatic gremmie hunch back with a 15” root. The sermon opens near the Manhattan pier during a riot of a surf movie, Slippery When Wet, 1965. At this moment Da Chopper is reaming Crazy Kate in the balcony while she’s vomiting and yelling obscenities to the revelers below. You’re all fucked up on reds, foaming at the lips, gripping a lighted blow torch in one hand, the other is cramming peeled hard boiled eggs with swastikas drawn on them up Kate’s gargantuan swollen red snapper…. You’re naked, of course. The goon squad has just arrived in force. The fire department is hosing down the remains. Tomatoes, bras (illegible word), and bottle caps are flying. There’s no escape. You’re finished.

I need an ending to (illegible word) 22 Catch.

Send my 10% at once. My bus has cancer. I’m sending your pal Sammy foreskin in my next letter.

M jr

EXPLANATION FOR REFERENCES IN THIS LETTER ARE AS FOLLOWS: “David Rensin” had recently written a cover story in California magazine about Dora. “Crazy Kate” is Gidget. “Sammy” was an angry local French surfer in Biarritz who was known for beating up foreign surfers and slashing the tires of their cars for a few years in the seventies.